Be Kind to Yourself

Posted January 3, 2023 by Sarah Green

Categories: Sarah, Sister Post

Have you ever felt defeat to the point it seemed pointless to try again? 

I remember the ups and downs of my ambitions, endless roller-coaster rides, and the trying and failing of embarking on a new journey. Eventually, I’d throw my hands in the air, “What’s the point? I’m not cut out for this.”

 As a young adult, this was my story each New Year.  I’d set my target and determined to be a new person in the upcoming future. I’d be a better wife, mom, and housekeeper. I’d also be fit and eat healthy. What else could I add to my list of “do better?”

I spent many years beating myself up with an all-or-nothing mindset. This mindset destroyed my progress.

Sadly, I almost gave up my dream of running a marathon with this mindset, something I longed to accomplish. Yet, each time I began a running program, life interrupted the process (it always does), or the process felt too overwhelming. My goals felt unrealistic. I’d quit, feeling like an utter failure. 

Once I determined baby steps were my method through a variety of beloved books I read, as well as showing myself grace, I slowly progressed toward goals that mattered to me.

Don’t we all embrace lofty plans as we lunge into a new year with the idea, “new year, new me?” Is falling and failing really the problem? Is setting goals a bad thing? No. I wish I could help my young self understand that falling and standing back up is the first step toward growth. Why did I give up so easily and assume all was lost? 

The reality is, those lofty ambitions weren’t bad. My all-or-nothing mindset initiated the feeling of defeat the minute I failed to implement the giant life-changing goal perfectly. 

Perfection and inflexible thinking caused feelings of defeat.

Whether we choose to run a marathon, earn a degree, start a business, or be a great mom and wife doesn’t matter.  We need to be kind and allow ourselves to falter, pick back up, and start small with baby steps. 

Maybe being a great mom is just staying present in the moment.

Maybe choosing to be attentive to my spouse is growth.

Maybe the road to running a marathon is to ban negative self talk when I skip a day.

Maybe if I choose one tiny step in the areas I feel called to grow is good enough. 

Maybe growth happens in hidden, tiny ways.  

I still set goals. I actually love goals. Yet, they are small and manageable. I choose to show myself grace and let go of the all-or-nothing fallacious thinking. I choose to remember that falling and failing is part of the process. I am always gifted with another moment to pick back up and try again, knowing that I am not alone. 

God wants us to grow, even expects us to grow. Yet He desires us to be kind to ourselves in the process, as He is to us.  

“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans to prosper you and give you a future.”